Can I just rant about how sad these two make me? I don’t feel jilted or like I got the short end of the stick when I hold up MShepard and Kaidan next to its heterosexual counterpart; I just feel like there’s an added layer of ow, right in the feels to it.
Kaidan and a female Shepard is generally (assuming there was a previously established relationship) the story of star-crossed lovers coming together again against terrible circumstances; the reverse comes down to two men scared shitless over losing something that just started. The story of Kaidan and Jane is bitter-sweet romance. The story of Kaidan and John is a goddamn tragedy.
I don’t say “tragedy” as if I think the writing or handling of it was poor. Tragic in that Joker put it best with his comment about the dancing going on at the Purgatory club.
This isn’t happy dancing. This is forget my problems dancing.
This isn’t a happy love story. This is a forget my problems with someone I only just got to love story. And they know it. The moment it starts there aren’t any declarations of love, or anything present in Kaidan and Jane’s story line: it’s two grown men who aren’t even sure they know each other anymore sitting around and acknowledging they could have been so much more, and dwelling on the could-have-beens.
What should have been I love you is shunted to oblique affections typical in a new relationship that happened to come out of the freaking apocalypse. Kaidan isn’t trivializing his relationship with Shepard by telling him to stay safe in lieu of the declarations of love and pleas not to make him lose her again present in the story of Kaidan and Jane; he’s telling him to stay safe because it’s really all he can ask of him without giving him a dangerous sense of false hope.
How painfully aware they are that this is new for both of them is readily present throughout the entire affair. A tragedy, but a good one.
Who needs happy love stories anyway?
Seriously though, this is beautifully written and spells out exactly what I find so engrossing about this pairing. Very rarely do I find myself this deeply absorbed with fictional characters and this time a big part of it is just how terribly sad their story is. How tragically late they are in coming together and how from the start they know that this thing between them is living on borrowed time. Because time is something they ran out of years ago, and they missed the moment when they still had a little to spare. And it’s so very human, this being-out-of-time: for the important things, for the good things, for the things always desired but never reached for. And so watching them try anyway just breaks your heart into tiny pieces. It sure broke mine.
Photo reblogged from with 206 notes
drew this around midnight last night. Mood sad.
it’s the look they aren’t sharing and the breath they are, bodies even closer than their mouths, the spaces in between and the spaces where only shadow fits—where shepard’s fingers curve in against kaidan’s side, where he holds but doesn’t clutch, and where kaidan’s thighs squeeze his hips. and it’s shepard’s tight jaw, the line that isn’t always there but sometimes, sometimes, when he’s gritting his teeth, before he can relax, the weight of the world on his face instead of on his shoulders, until that final distance is finally nothing left to give, nothing left to take.
Such a beautiful picture, and such beautiful expressive words.
This is… Amazing. I love the way that Bioware has developed their relationship; how the fandom has taken it into their own hands, and molded it into something truly beautiful. They’re a couple that just… Is. Every time I see them together, every one of their movements, words, and eye contacts just screams love and admiration for one another. That kind of love and admiration that was discovered, self-denied, then re-kindled once their eyes met and their lips confessed. Their story isn’t just perfect in that story book kind of way, it’s completely human and it seems they both know that what they have is precious.
They ARE perfect for each other and the way their romance plays out is both heartwrenching and stunning in its sadness.
A great story about playing Shepard as a closeted gay man. It reminds me of my original save. I didn’t romance anyone in Mass Effect or Mass Effect 2. I liked talking to almost everyone, but romance? Nah. None of the LIs made sense together with my Shepard.
In ME1 I liked Kaidan almost immediately. Or well, I think it was during the first visit at the Citadel, actually. His comments about “never been a fan of crowds” and tongue-in-cheek comment “the place has got quite the, uhm, view” about Chora’s Den… that was awesome. He seemed like the kind of person Shepard would get along with, and when it came down to saving him or Ash, Shepard didn’t think twice, he didn’t need to. While feeling incredibly bad about having to let Ash die, there was simply no other option.
In ME2 I adored everyone. Most characters were insanely well-written, and just hanging out and talking to them was fun. After meeting Kaidan on Horizon I was seriously disappointed there wasn’t a “beg on knees” option. So what if Shepard already had loads of biotics in his squad? This was Kaidan. At least some begging would make sense.
Later on Shepard accidentally invited Liara to his cabin I got terrified. She’s awesome to talk to, but having those conversations lead to a relationship? Uhm, no. I was so scared Shepard would have to go all renegade to avoid it, because in a way that wouldn’t make sense for him. He might be awkward sometimes, but wouldn’t reject someone like that (especially not Liara) unless he absolutely panicked. Fortunately nothing happened between them and he didn’t have to be mean… except for the fact that he avoided her during the rest of the mission to avoid misunderstandings. Heh.
And then Kaidan returned in ME3. Finally.
Along the way friends thought I was weird for turning down an achievement just because I didn’t think any of the LIs would work with Shepard. Now they think I’m weird for choosing him. “Out of all the people, all the options… Kaidan? Really?”
But really, don’t ask me, ask Shepard. While I personally would’ve been okay with Tali or Jack (or Cortez) as well, Shepard wouldn’t. That’s how I see it, how I see him. While playing through these games I’ve gotten to know this character, and sometimes I might even disagree with him on certain things, but I still know what he would do in most situations.
He wouldn’t hesitate once if getting the chance with Kaidan, so once they met again, he didn’t. Waiting all this time, everything leading up to those moments together… all of it makes sense in the sweetest, most beautiful way.
‘don’t ask me, ask Shepard’ :)
Brothers-in-arms. We know the score.
We know this is goodbye.